I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
