So drunk its hurt
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
