as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
