This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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