dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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