he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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