I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
