am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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