it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
