We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
