You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
