So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize