he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
