think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
