We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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