What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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