Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
