dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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