she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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