Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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