you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
