Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
