the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
