1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
