I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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