ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
