There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
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I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
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The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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