I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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