but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize