I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
