PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
