I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
