Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
