I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
