did you get engaged???
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
