forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
