I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
