I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
