bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
