When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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