Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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