I am spending my child support on dildos
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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