I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
