I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
