You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
