I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
