i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
