Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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