For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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