If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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