i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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