If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Hello my rib-scented angel!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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