today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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