so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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