So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
