I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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