So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
