Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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