at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
