I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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