i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
