i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
