Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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