Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
