Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
