apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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