Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
