im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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