I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
