Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
