I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
