I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
