is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
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Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
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So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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