I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
