this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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